The Moment our Lives were Changed
by ineffablechaos
Summary: A series of vignettes on the life of Ian and Mickey picking up the pieces after the devastating event in episode 03x06. Read and Review if you want.
1. The Silence in the Room

Disclaimer: I don't own Shameless. I'm just a fan. Question cause I'm a newbie, do you always have to do this because on some I see disclaimers and on others I don't?

The Silence in the Room

Silence filled the room as the Russian dressed. Ian and Mickey remained seated where they were; Mickey on the couch feeling used and humiliated, but mostly ashamed. And he hated that he felt that way. Because, he repeated this mantra to himself, it wasn't his fault. Ian sat on the chair, fist still in mouth, shedding silent tears. The door slams. Looking up at the sound they realized they were alone. Ian gulped. Chancing a look at Mickey through heavy lashes, Ian started, "Mickey".

"Don't" Mickey said, squeezing his closed eyes a bit with a slight tilt to his head. "Just". He lets out an audible breath. "Just go". Silence fills the room once more. Nobody moves. "Please".

The chair creaks in relief as Ian gets up off of it. He searches for his clothes strewn about the floor and puts them on in the silence of the room. Taking one last look at Mickey, Ian shuts the front door.

Alone, Mickey closes his eyes and lets unshed tears fall from his eyes. Mickey sits there on the couch head in hands silently weeping and all he's left with is the silence in the room.

Notes: [Where did Terry go? one might ask, I don't know. So I just skirted around it, as I see the writers doing for the next episode. Ian will just be back at the boys home with no explanation and I can understand that, cause this is a hard scene to write if you think about the logistics.]

*Also if you're asking why would Terry leave Ian and Mickey alone? This is the same guy who still thinks it's Ian that impregnated his daughter, and thinks that you can fuck somebody straight, so I think it's safe to say he's not the brightest crayon in the coloring box.

*This is not me depicting Mickey pulling away like so many think he will. I don't think Mickey will pull away from Ian because of what happened. That's not what's happening in this first scene or chapter or vignette or whatever you want to call it. It's just too much just happened to dissect and talk or try to reconcile at that moment. All Mickey wants at that moment is to be left alone. To think, to digest.


	2. To Turn Back the Hands of Time

Disclaimer: I do not own Shameless.

To Turn Back the Hands of Time.

Walking back to the group home Ian pondered how his life led up to this moment. How every decision we make has unalterable consequences. If he could go back, would he make all the same decisions again?

He had an hour to kill before his shift at work would end and he would be expected back at the group home. So Ian wandered aimlessly around lost in thought. He looked up and found himself standing before a house; Mickey's house. He scoffed at the sight of it because of course he would end up here. He'd laugh if it wasn't so sad. He stared defiantly at the house, thinking about the moment where everything turned to shit. Willing the earth to turn back the hands of time and let him chose differently this time. Choose to leave and go to work instead of stay and get caught by Terry. He turned his head at the sound of a car backfiring in the distance, reminding him that time was forever moving forward. Time and tide, as they say, waits for no man.

Glancing down at the watch on his wrist he realized that he had to start heading to the group home. He took one last look at the house before he turned to leave. As he was nearing the group home he wondered if he could sneak in and avoid Lip until his face healed because he knew with one look at his face would come hard questions with even harder to explain answers. He knew that wasn't going to be possible, he would have to face Lip one way or the other.

"What happened to you?" Lip questioned the moment he saw Ian's face.

Sniffing, Ian takes his eyes off the ground and looks Lip in the eye and curtly says, "Terry found out."

Lip's eyes bug out of his head and he asks, "About you and Mickey?"

"Yeah" Ian responds quietly.

"And?" Lip probes.

Staring straight ahead looking partly into Lips eyes and partly at nothing in particular, the scene passed before his eyes: Pure bliss and happiness before the sound of Terry yelling, "what the fuck?", then fist connect to his face before he has a chance to do nothing more than pull his boxers back on, next sitting there next to a hurt Mickey as fear sets in waiting for "the Russian" to get there and kill them and chop their bodies up into little pieces and throw them into lake Michigan, then confusion sets in when a women with heavily done make-up comes in, then horrified clarity with the words "She's gonna fuck the faggot out of you … and you're god damned gonna watch".

After a beat Ian says, "Nothing", and turns and walks away, leaving Lip standing there with his hands extended out, palms facing upwards bemused and afraid for his little brother's life.


	3. The Plan

Disclaimer: I do not own Shameless.

The Plan.

"So what's your plan?" Ian yells, over the sound of bullets being shot by Mickey at makeshift targets hug up, as he walks into the abandon warehouse that they turned into Ian's makeshift ROTC training course. Mickey stops shooting to look back at Ian, then turns back around and continues shooting, offering nothing.

"So you're gonna kill Terry, huh?" Ian asked incredulously. "How well did that work out for you with Frank?". Mickey grips the handle of the gun harder and tries to drown out the sound of Ian's voice. All he has to do, he tells himself, is squeeze the trigger and all his problems go away.

"You do this, and I'm not waiting for you again". The shooting stops. Mickey looks up. Staring into each other's eyes, they both know that that's a lie. Ian would wait until the end of time if it meant being with Mickey.

"This isn't a stint in juvie we talking about. This is Murder. Prison. Life in jail. Maybe 30 years with no parole if you get lucky." Ian stares down Mickey. "I," Ian starts, tears forming in his eyes willing them not to fall, "I can't do this again" Ian finally manages to get out.

"What would you have me do?" Mickey finally speaks. "What fucking world do you live in where you think we can get out of this alive? You can't sprinkle some fairy dust on this one and just make it disappear, Ian. Someone is going to have to bleed."

"We could go" Ian pleads.

Mickey takes out a cigarette and lights it. "Go where?" Mickey asks, taking the cigarette out of his mouth and blowing smoke out through his nostrils, some escaping out of his mouth as he speaks.

"Anywhere" After hearing a snort, Ian grits his teeth and says, "This is one shitty town, in one city, in one state, in one god damned country of this world."

"Jesus, Gallagher, what do you think this is, you think we're boyfriend and"

"Fuck you! So it's OK for you to fuck Angie Zhago and I'm suppose to take it with a smile but you get butt-hurt and beat down every guy I'm fucking that ain't you! Don't, you dare say those words to me again."

Silence fills the room. Mickey stands biting his lower lip looking sheepishly at the ground.

"I'll do it" Ian says. At that Mickey eyes shoot off the ground to look wildly at Ian.


	4. The Anger That I Feel Inside

Disclaimer: I do not own Shameless.

The Anger that I Feel Inside.

Ian awoke to the sounds of yelling. It wasn't much different from his dream. The only difference being the person doing the yelling. Debbie was responsible for the yelling downstairs. In his dream, dreams really, it was Terry. It was always Terry. Since the moment it happened, it was all Ian could think about. He relived that moment continuously whether he was dreaming or awake. He wondered if Mickey did the same. Getting up out of bed, he walked into the bathroom to get ready for school. He spent a longer time in the shower than he normally would have because it was there that he could cry.

With Fiona winning guardianship and all of the Gallagher's living under one roof again things were getting back to normal, whatever that meant. These days, normal for Ian has been panic attacks when no one's looking and sleeping less and less because every time he closes his eyes… He's gotten pretty good at hiding it though. With his face healing sometimes it's like it didn't even happen. But then he closes his eyes and he's right back on that couch again. Clenching his hands into fists hard enough until fingernails dig into skin and he bleeds, Ian wills the image away.

These days no one really paid attention to him; too wrapped up in their own little worlds. No one seems to notice, no one seems to care. They have much bigger things happening in their own lives. And that kills him. He feels as though the world should have stopped at that moment. He hates that the sun still shines and people still laugh. It makes him angry, so much so that some days he doesn't even know what he's so angry about; he's just left with the feeling. Sometimes all he has left is anger; his family being witness, sometimes victims to it, in short outburst.

Walking down the street headed to school with Lip, Mandy comes up behind them and cups Lip's crotch saying, "Guess who?"

"Jimmy's dad," Lip jokes, throwing a goofy look at Ian. Ian pushes out a fake laugh and quickly looks away before the feeling of hitting Lip takes over too much and he gives in to it. Since Ian told Mickey that he would do it; that he would be the one to kill Terry, Mickey has been M.I.A. He can't find him anywhere. So Ian takes this opportunity to ask Mandy saying, "Hey, you seen Mickey around? He's been missing. He owes me 50 bucks". Mandy replies, "He'll be on his feet soon."

"What happen?" Lip asks intrigued, hoping that maybe Mandy will be able to enlighten the situation between Mickey and his brother. "My Dad pistol whipped him." Mandy says nonchalantly. Ian looks away. "Why?" Lip pushes for answers. "Since when does anyone need a reason to pistol whip Mickey," Mandy questions. Taking a glance at Ian, Lip could see the anger radiating throughout Ian's entire body. Ian had to get out of there, so he slaps his palm against Lips stomach and says, "I'll see ya later, I have to go". He pulls up the hoodie of his green jacket and crosses the street without another word or a look back, even as Lip yells at him, "Where are you going, you've got school". Normally Lip wouldn't care if his brother skipped school or not but knowing that there was something big happening in his brother's life, something that he wouldn't talk about, Ian kind of worried him these days. Placing a hand down his pants and pulling Lip towards an empty ally, Mandy pulls Lip's attention towards her and he forgets about Ian.

After visiting all of Mickey's usual spots and coming up empty, Ian walks around aimlessly for a bit before heading to his house by the time school lets out in order to avoid the suspicions of Fiona and an awkward conversation that he really doesn't want to have. Walking into the house he finds the whole family, Kev, V, and Mandy included sitting around the kitchen table discussing ways to keep Cousin Patrick from taking the house. "Look who decided to grace us with his presence. You think you're too good for the Gallaghers' huh?", comes the annoying voice of Frank Gallagher.

"Not today Frank", Ian says as he grabs a biscuit off the counter and pulls up a seat next to Lip. At the same time Fiona says, "Knock it off Frank".

"Oh, what did I hurt the princess's feelings?" Frank says in a sing-song voice.

"Why are you here, you don't live here anymore." Ian says.

"And shortly neither will you" Frank says laughingly.

Normally the things Frank says never really bother Ian that much, but if he was being really honest with himself he was looking for a fight for a long time now. Someone to take out all of the aggression he has been feeling for some weeks now on. And Frank would suffice. Launching out of his seat he grabs Frank by the front of his collar and smashes the back of his head into the fridge. Debbie lets out a scream. After a couple of punches thrown into his "father's" face Ian's world kind of went white. The next thing bringing him back into reality is Kev pulling him off of Frank and pinning him to a wall. Liam's cries are heard in the background. Ian regains composer and starts blinking rapidly trying to remember what happened. He looks down at his hands, broken and bloody.

After the kids had been calmed down and Ian's hands taped by V, Ian goes up onto the roof of the house to be alone and smoke. Fiona is the first person to come up and try to talk to him. "What happened down there?" Fiona opens with. Ian takes a drag from his cigarette and blows out the smoke into the night air offering her nothing. "You could've killed him. You almost did, if Kev didn't pull you off." Fiona states. Ian remains silent flicking the ash off of his cigarette. "What's going on in that head of yours huh? Something's going on. I haven't seen you smile in a long time." No response. "Ian?". With a huff of her breath Fiona turns around and heads for the ladder. At the sound of Fiona descending the ladder Ian turns his head slightly to watch her leave, letting out a last puff of cigarette smoke and flicking the butt over the side of the ledge. Hearing another set of footsteps ascending the ladder, Ian rolls his eyes, takes out another cigarette, lights it and takes in a long, calming drag. Tilting his head up towards the sky to blow out the smoke, Ian hears Lip say, "I see why you never hit Frank back" going for humor. Ian watches a car pass on the street below. Wondering how long it will take Lip to get the message to leave him alone. "Is this about Mickey? Did you find him?" Lip asks. He was answered by the cool night breeze and a dog barking somewhere in the distance.

Not receiving the answers that he wanted Lip turned the conversation and asks, "Did Karen say anything to you?". A tight smile graced his face and he had to shake his head and laugh at himself at how predictable this conversation would quickly turn to be about Karen. But Ian still remained silent. "I'll just leave you to your thoughts then." Lip said as he departed.

Sometimes Ian wanted to release and tell his whole family what happened that day Terry walked in on him and Mickey. Maybe that would get rid of the pit in his stomach he constantly walked around with. But he couldn't. The only person that knew a little bit of what happened that Ian would consider maybe talking to about this, Lip, has been too preoccupied with the resurfacing of the malignant Karen and the rift she's causing his relationship with Mandy to talk to about this. Ian understands this, but it doesn't get rid of the anger that he feels inside. Hoping that the next time it resurfaced he didn't kill anybody.

Note: Sorry for the delay, didn't have Internet for a while. It was only three days but it felt like a lifetime. Then I decided to watch the episode before I did this to see how they portrayed Karen coming back and the affect it has on Mandy and Lips relationship. The way I first had it, it was this big blood war between the Milkovichs' and Gallaghers', I'm glad I scaled it back. There should be two more chapters coming before Sunday. And I'm gonna incorporate some cannon and future predictions in later chapters/vignettes. Thanks for the reviews and reads I really appreciate it from the bottom of my little fan girl heart.


End file.
